THE PROS AND CONS OF SINGLE LIFE

Howdy, and I mean that. *Jack Tide here.

Things just didn't work out in the last relationship. I'm not saying it was her fault but let's be honest here. She had an unnerving ability to blame me for everything. It was cute at first but teach a kitten to shoot guns and let's just see how adorable they remain eh? When you're dating someone with that kind of consistent commitment it's a bit tough to remain charmed. 

Her name was Piper. What the hell kind of name is that? I knew I was in trouble the minute she said her name and still I continued on with it. Mainly because she was a looker, she was funny and intelligent. Come to think of it, I suppose her name still remains Piper and she still remains a looker, whimsical and smart. I could be wrong. I haven't seen her in weeks and since then a many things could've happened to her. She could be in Mogadishu right now collecting stray felines in the back of some green van. She could be emaciated and now fond of Twilight movies.

There comes a point in your life when you inadvertently find yourself in a relationship and you have to wonder where it's going. Do you tell the girl over coffee or a scrumptious dinner at Toulouse Petit (excellent cajun creole btw) that two months ago you laced a vice chairman's drink with tetrodoxin for twelve thousand minus Victoria's finder's fee? Or do you wait for dessert?

Ahhhh the single life. There's really nothing like it. No more having to worry about other people's feelings. No more having to make plans and struggle to find a way to keep them. No more having to write and store down important dates, like birthdays, anniversaries. Especially anniversaries.

                    -First day we met anniversary

                    -First date anniversary

                    -First time we became officially gf/bf anniversary

                    -First kiss anniversary

Crap. You see. 

This doesn't even include all the other things one has to remember. 

Like...

                    -First movie we saw together

                    -First restaurant we went to

                    -What she ordered at said restaurant

                    -What she was wearing on the first date

That's just a lot of stress a guy has to deal with.

What the hell kind of name is Piper anyway.

Of course there are cons to being single too. I try not to let my mind stay in that particular corner of the room.

The cons.

                     -Well now what.

                     -Less presents on my birthday and Christmas

                     -Valentine's Day is now shared with the lonely-hearted large people in the buffet line at King Buffet in Renton. It is a new kind of bonding experience though. Sad bond.

                     -Who you gonna watch Star Trek movies with now ya jerky?

                     -No more walks in zoo and feeding the ducks. 

                     -No more feeding and sheltering stray cats named Clifford.

                     -No more discovering new restaurants together and making lists as to why they were exceptional and what they lacked. Actually I was the only one who did this as Piper (Piper!) lacked the insight and where-with-all to create such intricate and highly detailed lists. Although she insisted she just didn't really care.

                      -Who's going to admire my hair and clothes now? hahaha. I'm joking. There's the entire world for that one.

Did I love Piper? 

What is love anyway? Is it located in an Beatles song? Is it secreted away in the depths of the Ark of the Covenant? Is it on the moon? Is it in a bullet? Yeah I did love Piper.

I suppose like anything it's subjective and that being the case it's best not to philosophize on it. Unless you're freakin' Aristotle or John Lennon.

I could be Aristotle or John Lennon.

I took her to see the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. We saw Django Unchained, Silver Linings Playbook. Skyfall. Prometheus. Which one of those was the first movie we saw together? It was one of those.

The point is to learn from past relationships and now there's this Keira conundrum. Monday I'm planning on heading back up to Redmond to see if she wants to continue our budding relationship. I'll bring a gun.


*Jack Tide is a fictional creation of Michael Callinglast. These blogs take place before the events in FEROCITY, which you can check out by clicking on the link. If you dare.